Puppy hunting

I work in a dental office, and, as all great dental offices do, my office subscribes to People magazine. Not on purpose, mind you–People just sends us freebies.

And sadly, given my basically news-free existence (no t.v., no newspaper, no radio–no statement, really, it’s just happened like that), People magazine has become my sole contact with the outside world–if by “outside” I mean “pop culture,” which in this case I do.

Apparently, the “outside world” is big on celebrity couples, and I just can’t help but notice that referring to those reigning couples by two separate names seems to be exhausting for the magazine’s typesetters–they’ve conveniently given each couple a single, androgenous title.

Which makes me wonder: can we possibly have two Bennifers? Why, yes, apparently we can–same Ben, different Jennifers. And who came up with that god-awful Brangelina? It sounds like a breakfast cereal gone horribly wrong. Fortunately someone stopped them before they introduced Custin, or Demashton.

But, this whole smoosh movement has got me thinking–wouldn’t that be handy? I mean, Mitch and I could combine our names, you know, legally, and save ourselves the hassle of forging each others’ signatures on key documents. We could be…Thitch. Or possibly Mea.

Of course, when I share my enlightened idea with Mitch, he stares at me as though I’ve suggested we take up puppy hunting. Eventually he says, in an unmistakably frightened voice, “Excuse me?”

“Well, I was just thinking,” I rally defensively, “it might be more convenient, and ‘Thitch’ has a certain sort of appeal, don’t you think?”

He continues to stare at me–horrified, his lips moving wordlessly–for so long that I begin to fear I’ve done him permanent damage.

“Nevermind,” I say hastily. “Forget it.” And the spell is broken: he breathes again.

Which makes me wonder how Brad has taken the switch to “Brangelina.” (I’m significantly less concerned about Ben.)

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2 thoughts on “Puppy hunting

  1. Thea

    Just flashing my ignorance around, here, but what does “Mea Culpa” mean? Sounds familiar in that “I really should know this” way…

    Picasso of the emoticons. I love you, Dad, you make me laugh.

    Reply

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